heartache.

I couldn’t stop. Last night, I started crying and that’s what happened. They weren’t tears of joy, nor were they tears of frustration. They were simply tears of heart break. I am not a person who cries often. I am fully in support of crying as I believe it is a beautiful outlet of emotions. Since my first day in Honduras, I have become one of those people that cries often. The weirdest thing can trigger it, but often times it is in relation with Honduras.

What happened?

I had talked to Laurel, the wife of the couple I went to Honduras with this past summer. (If you haven’t heard about this trip, please visit some older posts to get a better understanding of the significance!) I was telling her that my heart has been aching for Honduras lately, and she said some things that were really encouraging and exactly what my heart needed to hear.

This was when tears began to fall.

A couple hours later, a picture appeared on my Facebook news feed that caught my attention:

Posted by my Honduran friend, Miriam

As I looked closer and did my best to translate the caption, I realized that this is supposedly taken in the hospital in Santa Rosa, the city in which I hope to someday live. This broke my heart. Or as I have said before, shattered my heart. I began praying immideiately and found my dear friend Miriam online. After talking some, she said she wasn’t completely sure if it was from Santa Rosa, but it very clearly depicts some of the issues happening in the country.

I have yet to do my research, but the most difficult problem, that all of these things seem to be stemming from is a corrupt government. Apparently the health department is wasting money, instead of using it where needed (like this hospital, for example).

As you probably know, my heart burns for this country. As Miriam continued to explain issues that are occurring and the true brokenness of the country, all I could do was pray (and cry some more). As I dream to live down there someday, my initial reaction was that there was no way I would stay down there longer than the two or three week trips, because of all the corruption. I then was reminded of what God did in my heart while I was there and that no matter the condition of the country, my heart is there and always will be and I need to follow my heart and God’s will for my life.

So, as my heart continues to break for this country, my home, I have continued to step deeper in to my trust in God’s grace and love.  Everything in me wanted to pack my bags and run to the airport, buy the next ticket out and be in Honduras by the next day. I know that God has me here for a reason, or several reasons really, but I have trouble seeing that some days. With each sunrise every breathe of Ohio air becomes lighter, rather than draining. Although my vision becomes clouded sometimes, I know that God has a divine plan for my life, my future and the future of Honduras.

So once again, I go beyond the limits of faith, and step one step deeper into His beautiful love, will and grace. I hope that you would pray with me for this beautifully broken country as God does His work in those people.

Praise His glorious name!

Have a blessed day,

-Sadie

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