I’m tired of making tough decisions.
I’m tired of continuing to hear sad news.
I’m tired of hoping for the best when I know that it may not happen.
I’m tired of feeling so worn out, while my brain continues to press forward without cease.
The past couple nights I have barely gotten any sleep. My body says I’m exhausted, but my brain just keeps running. Last night I felt God calling me to spend some quiet time with Him, just enjoying His presence. So, I went downstairs to the kitchen and made some tea and just sat there in the dark..being quiet and waiting for His truth to spill into me.
Lately, I haven’t been able to focus on anything. I have been listless about so many things, yet passionate at the same time. My thoughts have been extremely scattered and I’m sure I’ve made for horrible company. As I sat in silence last night, I realized something. My God switch has been turned completely on.
I think of those light switches that dim and brighten the lights…it’s like mine has been on for years, but it has been dimmed. Not, it’s as if that switch has been turned up as high as possible. I’m excited to be completely in this with Jesus.
What I realized, is that even though my brain is filled with chaos and so is my life, my heart is completely at peace. And the reason that I have been all over the place is because when two things that don’t make sense together (peace and chaos) are in the same place, they cause tension and frustration.
Yet, it excites me to know that my heart is at peace.
Although I’m tired of making hard decisions, I can know in my heart they are the right ones because I am seeking God first.
Although I’m tired of continuing to hear sad news, because I continue to turn to Him, I continue to grow closer to him and continue to step into His grace.
Although I’m tired of hoping for the best when I know that it may not happen, God continues to show me that what is best, is not always what I have in mind.
And, although I’m tired of feeling so worn out, while my brain continues to press forward without cease, my heart is at peace.
All of this chaos completely shatters in comparison to this deep peace I have. It is a peace of knowing God has a plan for me that is good, and trusting that I’m walking in the right direction as I strive for more of Him in my life.
It’s funny, because I have rewritten this post 3 times, and it still feels like a jumble of random thoughts…but I hope that it makes sense to someone. I hope that at least one person can learn something from this, or at least understand what I’m trying to say.
Have a blessed day, and remember that God has a purpose.