Quite Honestly: When Things Go Wrong

{Disclaimer: I sincerely apologize if this comes across as a way for me to vent, that is definitely not my intention. I have began writing these “Quite Honestly” posts to share where I am at spiritually. I’m learning to be quite honest about the things I am working through and the emotions I’m feeling in an attempt to inspire others.}

I have been having several days in a row where things seem to be working against me. It’s as though every thing that could go wrong, does.

Yesterday, among many other frustrations, I had an allergic reaction to an ant bite. I have been bit plenty of times (every day) on my feet by these ants while being here, yet for some reason my body reacted differently. Almost instantly my foot become extremely swollen and painful. Before long it was mostly numb and difficult to walk on.

Today, I’m dealing with the swelling and pain from that, and also beginning to get a sore throat and migraine. I just fought off a sinus cold over the weekend, and I’m dreading having to do this all over again. As some of you may know, I have an extremely weak immune system. I take several vitamins every day to keep from constantly being sick. When I do get sick, I double up on vitamins and drink a ton of fluids, but regardless it takes a toll on my body. All of my energy goes into fighting off whatever illness has found me, therefore I become extremely tired. I hate being sick and having bodily issues all the time. I hate that I have low pain tolerance and when talking about these things come across as though I’m complaining.

I’ve been working on school stuff, trying to get a graduation plan finished. As I’m working on this, I get an e-mail from my admissions advisor, reminding me that I can’t take any more education courses until my background check is finished. I ordered said background check in March, and followed all the required steps, but my payment was never processed. I emailed my advisor, and her attempt to help fell flat and I have gotten nowhere. It is now August, and I have had to do the detailed, mundane process again, in hopes that things have changed and my payment will be processed. Right now, it’s okay that I can’t take education courses, because I have other courses I can take. Yet, it’s extremely frustrating, because that leaves me to having several semesters in a row of only education courses.

These are just a few of the bigger things affecting my life right now; the tip of the iceberg, as some would say.

I haven’t been able to sleep well, I’ve been having a lot of headaches and migraines, my stomach hasn’t been accepting very many foods lately, my neighbor enjoys playing music with really loud bass at night which gives me a headache, my knee that I injured last month has been aching, and the list goes on.

Needless to say, life has been a little frustrating lately. I feel like I’ve been running in circles. Like I’m working hard to accomplish things, yet nothing is actually being accomplished.

God has blessed me with a very patient spirit. I have always been patient when things aren’t working as I hoped they might, or as they should. I have always been patient with people who aren’t able to or willing to get things done when or how they should be done. Things that many people get frustrated or irritated about, tend to go right over my head.

And yet, my patience is beginning to wear thin. I’m beginning to get frustrated about a few things. I also had become a little discouraged by it all. Almost feeling abandoned, in a way. So I began to evaluate the situation and how I was feeling and realized that all of the above things mentioned, are completely out of my control.

I can’t change that my body had an allergic reaction, or that that one ant bit me. I can’t fix my immune system and stop getting sick. I can’t change my pain tolerance. I can’t make this payment become processed and for all those details to work out.

It’s not even about being in control for me, it’s thatΒ I can’t fix it. I’m a fixer. I like to fix problems, give advice to those whom ask for it, and work to improve anything that can be improved. And yet, i can’t fix any of it. There is nothing I can do to change what is happening.

The two things I can do about all of this are to pray, and to cling to Christ. In all my frustrations, stress and disappointment, God remains. He knows all that is on my heart and mind. I’m learning to go to Him and just to talk. Let out my frustrations and triumphs of the day.

It’s certainly not easy. I forget to do so more often than I remember. But, I’m finding that each time I walk towards Him, and hand him my thoughts and emotions, He returns them back with peace and strength. Those two things do not make the problems go away, or lessen the affect they have on my life, but they do help me to feel more prepared to handle them and anything else that may come.

Have a blessed day!

-Sadie

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